Harish's World - neither here nor there...

What happens when you ask a friend who is a software engineer to test your application when he is irritated (most probably by some dumb queries or defects at his workplace)? You will most likely bear the brunt of his frustration. I happened to be in such a situation when I asked my friend to check out my comic reader application. What followed was... well you better read it, that will be better than my explanation.

me: which version of java u using?
Him: i dont know

your typical user, eh?
me: exactly, that y i want to know, i have tried it only on 5.0, but not on 1.4 , tho i set the compile option to 1.4 to generate the object files
can u try java -version and tell me
Him: how to do that?
me: comman line
java -version
Him: comman, what is that?
me: command line
cmd
Him: what is that?
which button must i press?
me: ??
u trying to act like a typical user too ??
=))
Him: i AM your user!
get used to it!

me: ok, tell me the version
Him: but your app doesnt have help->version
or help->about
how can i tell you version?
me: ley, enuf of this man
Him: no no
i dont know
you see, i am a USER!!

me: fyi, dumb users wont use my app
Him: is it?
then how did I, the typical user, get it?

and you offend my sensibilities by calling me dumb!
you self righteously smug techie!
you think only people who can prograrm are smart?
who do you think grows the potatoes that you eat?
me: nope, i didnt say that
Him: boo hoo
me: guys who grow potatoes dont read comics on computers, they are not accounted in the dumb category
Him: huh, how audacious of you to say people who grow potatoess cant use computers!
me: the dumb category are those guys who think they are smart with computers, but who actually dont know anything
i didnt say that either, i said they wont read comics on computers
Him: how arrongant of you to imply that they cant use computer and that is why they dont read comis
me: =))
Him: or that they lack a sense of humour and that is why they dont read comics!
me: u r good at adding masala
u still havent told me the version of java u r using
Him: masala? making fun of farmers is masala?
sacrilege!
you havent told me how i can get the version thingy
me: ok have it ur way
Him: see, how condescending of you to imply my way is stupid
you are one of those smugly self righteous techies
aren;'t you
just because you develop one app you think you are smarter than einstein
bah!
me: did i say that?
Him: how typical of an engineer
imply everything
and then get technical about how he did not SAY it
me: i didnt know so much cud be implied, may be ive missed out a lot of things while studying engineering abt implications
Him: dont feign innocence!
i know that you know everything you imply and yet discalim from it
how typical of a engineer!
you know you must thank me!
it is because of us USERS that you can even develop your stupid apps!
you exist because of US
not the other way around!
me: i developed it for me, and put it around so that others if they want can use it
anyway, can u tell me which version of java u using??
Him: bah.. another one of those stupid engineer things!
i made it for myself
nothing could be farther from truth
you engineers CRAVE for users!
your lives depend on it!
me: =))
this is going to be the crux of my next blog, long time since i have posted anything in timepass, this will be really good
Him: hahaha

You stupid engineer
you want to make fun of your USERS on your blog?
you will pay for it!
how do you plan to get away with calling your users stupid?
me: i still dont know where i called them that?
Him: There you go again
me: rather implied in ur terms
Him: you are insulting the intelligence of your users by telling me that we cannot see through your smug self righteous sarcasm
me: this is a never ending loop, both of us will be repeating the same thing time after an interval
only the words will be different
Him: yeah, talk all jargon and attempt to dissuade your USERS, what is with "time interval" and all that!
me: typo missed out every before time
Him: i can see that
are you implying that i cannot even recognies typos?
why do you assume that your users are that stupid?
you smugly self righteous engineer!
me: what r u?
Him: finally a question that matters
a beginning of self discovery for an engineer
i am YOUR USER, stupid self righteous ENGINEER!
you build your apps for the sole glory of ME
me: Oh, You Almighty Know All User, my App is Hallowed by thy presence, I am Honored You chose to Download my insignificant app onto Your precious Computer, May you glorify other smugly self righteous engineers as well
Him: hahaha
you engnieer
finally you have realisation dawn upon your dim peanut sized ENGINEER brain
me: Yes Your Highness
Him: i know you can only think from your LEFT brain
i mean what is left of your LEFT brain after 4 years of VTU sponsored torture that you must endure
me: how are left and right different, smugly self-righteous Engineers know nothing abt biology
Him: before you are deemed fit to slave for me
Ahh, wait
you must one of those extra slavish drones
that must have enrolled for extra two years of torture
willingly
so that you could serve me better
you extra slavish drone engineer!
me: As you wish Your Highness (that makes u the queen rite )
Him: I knew stupid smugly self righteous engineers were bad at biology
but not this bad!
you cant even tell male from a female?
and yeah, you slavish dronish engineer
me: well no males rule in the bee family, all drones and other worker bees slog, only the queen does nothing, so logically (as any smugly self-righteous engineer would imply) the Highness is the Queen
Him: thou shalt refer to me as YOUR USERNESS hence forth
me: Yes Your Userness
Him: oh no, a degree in engineering has eluded you even of the last vistages of humanness
you dronish slavish engineer!
me: =))
Him: we are HUMANS
not BEES
BEES fly
they buzz
humans dont
unless they are in an airplane
or under dope
respectively
get it?

At the end of the conversation, I still did not get to know the version of Java he was using!!!